IN life everything works on the premise of an equation: to get a result there must be an input. This leads me to the question of respect.
Anyone with an African background was at some point told that they need to respect their elders – crudely meaning that whatever an adult says goes. The conflict that arises out of this premise is how one should react to an elder speaking arrogantly?
As a young person are you supposed to just nod your head in silence and agree with the things that you are taught in misguidance because of your age?
Some elders use the Bible quoting scriptures that urge children to obey their parents. Do they read the other verses? The ones that talk about children's rights and how parents should not betray their children, but guide them within God's line?
Should young people simply obey because they are obliged to do so?
This is a complex issue because respect is a ‘two way street’. To receive respect you must be willing to give respect.
For any relationship to function at its best there must be a level of compromise that both parties can reach without feeling uncomfortable. Uneasiness in relationships between parents and especially their teenage children is caused by the belief that in every situation the child must fold.
Surely in contemporary society some of these ideologies should be revisited. They have become almost archaic as most countries regard young people as having the same rights as adults given the legal rights they possess. For instance, in the United Kingdom one can marry from the age of 16, some states in the USA you can get a driving license at the age of 15.
In the past, in many societies, there was no such thing as a child, but 'little adults'. Everyone was viewed on an equal base. Your productivity and status was the basis of how people treated you, not your age. The late R&B singer Aaliyah lyrically stood her ground by stating that “Age ain’t nothing but a number”.
It's about time we started to respect character and not numbers. That should be the answer.
by Anthia aka Radio Gal
Anthia is a columnist at The Zimbabwe Guardian and a new presenter on TZ Radio (www.tzradio.co.uk). She can be heard on Fridays. Her column appears every Wednesday.
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READER OPINIONS
JoeK Phanatic • joekatsande@yahoo.co.uk Subject: Respect and Obedience Sun, 12 Oct 2008 10:55:52 • I salute this article for pointing out one the social evils bedeviling some of our modern societies i.e parents or elders who take a totalitarian stance when dealing with their children, such a stance has proved catastrophic to the family unit and has produced more rebel children than ever before.
However, inasmuch as adults must be engaging children and respecting them as well, we must judge every deed according to its intention. I don`t want to believe any sane parent would mean nor deliberately harm their children nor wish them bad in life. So they ought to be respected irregardless of what they may have done or not done.
Most importantly though for people like me who have the Bible as their manual, parents/elders must be respected simply because they are parents/elders. That alone qualifies them for respect from children.
Respect though, doesn`t necessarily mean obedience or saying yes to everything. I can totally disagree with my dad on a particular issue, but render him perfect respect. We maintain respect even in an atmosphere of disagreement.
Respect is an attitude, elders and parents are simply to be regarded with honor, irregardless of any circumstances, even in cases where we disagree, and so Anthia Chibwana`s QUESTION Should young people simply obey because they are obliged to do so?....a resounding NO! what they are obliged to do however, even if they have been abused, is to treat their parents with honor, and such an attitude, my Bible tells me, comes with a promise.
Omugabe • Dziva@sanandresano.com Subject: Look Inward & Look East for Self-development, Zim Patriots! Thu, 09 Oct 2008 17:01:54 • Instead of filling her head with inane ideas coming out of her UK and USA, and the West, Chibwana should instead be recognizing the implication of: African as The First Man, The Template of Mankind, and The Primary Image of the Creator on Earth?
The First Man, The African does not get to survive and thrive on the planet, THE LONGEST, for thousands of generations without adhering to some useful and effective life lessons.
First of all, it is delusional to hold the view that 'respect is a two way street'. IT IS NOT!
That is like saying that revenge is OK. It is not.
Disrespect for PERCEIVE disrespect is revenge, a definite no no!
An individual HAS AN OBLIGATION to do the right thing (give elder respect), regardless of the perceived wrongs others are doing.
The solution to PERCEIVED disrespect from elders is not disrespect as an act of vengeance!
It is wiser and better to adhere to the premise that 'one has an obligation to give elders respect'. End of story!
Granted, an elder may not always be in the right.
However, if one feels wronged, vengeance is not the answer. That is the time to seek out the assistant of another elder, who may be able to resolve the challenges of present circumstances.
At no time should elders be disrespected. Because the disrespect you sow in your youth WILL be reaped when you become an elder yourself, if you are lucky enough to live that long to be elder. lol
It is only to the underdeveloped mind that thinks is 'sensible' the childish cliche, 'age is just a number'.
'Age is just a number' only for those who do not have age or are not taught by the wisdom usually associated with age.
BTW, Aalyiah died at 22, not long enough it seems for her to gain wisdom. lol
And when we start taking our 'wisdom' from pop artists, unfiltered, that is the time to put down the pipe or pill, or at least check their contents for purity! lol
Maureen • n/a Subject: Parents Thu, 09 Oct 2008 05:24:46 • A very good article. I always feel that these elders force us to do things that we don't want to do and don't understand how we feel many times. Thanks fopr the article.
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