I WONDER if I should shout at, or cry for my sisters out there. Some of my fellow women who are stuck in unhealthy relationships because of 'love' for their partners.
Though he never has anything nice to say about them, to their friends or face to face, my sisters continually stay and insist: “Nobody understands him like I do!”.
With bruises on her face, arms and legs, she talks only of the few good times they have been together.
You often see her putting on a lot of make up and wearing a fake smile to cover up what he does to her behind closed doors. I wonder why? What would let you give someone an opportunity to inflict such pain on you?
Can we call it love? Is it a way to treat your partner? Out of all the meanings of the word ‘love’, one that stood out to me was that it meant “a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection for someone.”
With that said is it justifiable to say that the perpetrator loves his spouse, that he has such an attachment that makes him react in this way?
The question on a lot of people's minds is why? How would you be able to feel love when you look into the eyes of the person laying one blow after the next making every part of your body ache?
It is truly a sad thing that this is a reality for some people.
We have been brought up on ideals that insist that everybody should be with somebody, without realizing that some people will take anybody. Not everyone is secure enough to acknowledge when someone is not right for them.
Some women will stay in abusive relationships just because they have somebody around them, though they are not by their side 'to love and to hold' but on their necks 'to harass and abuse.'
With that said though, it would be a lie to say that there is somebody for everyone. Some people may never find that one person, but that is not a good enough reason to have unnecessary grief in your life in order to have someone to get back home to.
We must all unite in saying that true love is not like that at all. Love only hurts because we allow ourselves to be consumed in meaningless endeavors that only lead to a dead end.
by Anthia aka Radio Gal radiogal@hotmail.co.uk
[Anthia is a columnist at The Zimbabwe Guardian and a new presenter on Zimbabwe’s TZ Radio (www.tzradio.co.uk). She can be heard on Fridays. Her column appears every Wednesday.]
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Ms Independent • n/a Subject: Blame it on culture and society Thu, 27 Nov 2008 12:41:36 • I think it is more to do with insecurity and some stupid cultures we were brought up with. For instance, if you attend some of these pentecostal churches, if you are a woman, you will be asked - Munonzi mai ani zviya....and you ask yourself, what makes them think I`m married? Do I have to be?
I even know a distant friend of mine, who used to attend one of these pentecostal zim churches in the diaspora, but when she broke up with her husband, none of the female church members wnted to befriend her anymore as they now considered her to be immoral. Does being single mean immoral?
Unonzwa vanhu vachiti, Haana murume as if its a must I must have one, some people make choices to be single, of course you may have your boyfriend but you do not necessarily have to stay under the same roof everyday. Some people need their space and freedoms.
Sure who can blame anyone for being single these days especially if you are Zimbabwean, just look at the calibre of our national political figures, some froth on their mouths when speaking (lies of course), some don`t even seem to know that shavers exist, others are too obese with dirty money,others don`t know how to dress appropriately, some are highly educated but lack common sense, vazhinji ndivana chandagwinyira, vana mari yangu haienderi mahara (if you know what I mean).
The few smart ones are happily married and not available. But the majority are locked up in marriages of conviniences -keeping up appearances!
Kutya kuti vanhu vanoti chii if I divorce.
I think some of these churches put too much pressure on people- it is always potrayed as the right thing to be Mr & Mrs, even if there is no love btwn the two. Blame it on society and fake churches!
We must be accepted for who we are, not what someone want me to be.
Nyarai Chidemo • miss.nyari@yahoo.com Subject: Love under duress Thu, 27 Nov 2008 12:29:03 • I think the concept of love entails a bit of selfishness in its organic form - the desire to love so that you can be loved back. But I do not think violence is part of that and those women who remain in abusive relationships only do so sometimes because violent partners make it very difficult to let go. I know someone who got beaten up and threatened with death if she ever thought of leaving. Love never be justified under duress. Well done.
Rudo Loveness • rodoms@webmail.co.za Subject: Lovemore Thu, 27 Nov 2008 07:39:43 • If we all understood love, no one would be alone! There is a reason why people are alone...and become lonely. The mirror usually has the answer to where the problem lies.
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